You've got a friend in me

I never spent much time worrying about how to help T.J. make and keep friendships; it just came naturally to him.  He was always scheming of ways to spend time at a friend's house or see just how many he could invite to a sleepover at our house (because one friend was never enough).  Tom and I wanted ours to be that house:  we were flexible about last minute plans (even when the twins were newborns), never required much notice for these gatherings, and made sure the pantry was stocked.  Tom was always great about ordering pizza, making those last-minute Publix runs as needed, and boy, would he cook up a breakfast spread (if they woke up before lunch).  I could always be coerced into baking up a batch of cookies as well.....

For Aidan and Andrew, however, I'm constantly thinking about, prompting, correcting, and training them in all areas social.  It's stressful.  I've never before appreciated the importance of friendships, nor understood all the nuances that go into building meaningful relationships until now.  It would be much more stress if not for two very important things....1) Andrew is outgoing and LOVES people-big and small, while Aidan is more reserved, yet better equipped to participate in appropriate interactive play and back-and-forth communication, and 2) the boys' school is such a huge help in this area.  Whether snack time, circle time, playground, table time, or lunch, those teachers continually look for teachable social moments for them.  They write their IEPs specific to each child's needs, strengths, and deficiencies.  They break those milestones down as small as needed; they're just incredible!

Recently, it has become extremely important for my boys to "hang out" with four or five of their classmates after pickup.  We are not "allowed" to leave until they can play chase on the front sidewalk, throw sticks in the little creek bordering MP's property, scare one another from behind the bushes, and show each other their amazing treasure chest prizes they got as rewards at the end of the day.....you know, typical stuff!  Us parents watch them in amazement at how far they've come and the challenges that still lay ahead, but it feels great to feel normal--if just for a little while!  These kids love each other so much, we've begun getting them together at local parks on as many Saturdays as possible.  Here's a few pictures from this past Saturday....gotta love this September weather.

Meredy and Andrew--they adore each other!

Aidan and Thomas escaping from the Evil King....

Aidan, Andrew, Thomas, & Braeden still hiding from the Evil King

Anthony, Andrew, Meredy, Braeden, Thomas, and Aidan taking a water break

Love this park!

Aidan and Thomas welcoming a new friend to the tire swing...they did so great introducing themselves and really interacting.  One of my favorite moments of the day!



"What's in your lunch?"  It's really important to know these little details.  Ha!

 What a blessing these kids have been to each other as well as a chance to visit with parents who are working through many of the same things as I am.  My hope and prayer for Aidan and Andrew is that we continue to assist them in fostering meaningful relationships with their peers, to uncover what all makes them unique and special, and help them experience the blessings of friendship as much as possible.  As for myself...I want to be that house again.



Bathroom Rescue

The school's director, Sandy, and the boys' teacher, Nicole, met me at the entrance of the school today.  "Do you have a minute?  We need to talk."  **Gulp**  Just what every parent wants to hear, right?  They assured me the boys were fine, and I felt better knowing they were not being kicked out of school either.   :)  


After nap, Andrew had gone into the bathroom in the classroom, closed the door behind him, and was immediately locked in when the door somehow malfunctioned.  Andrew did not panic (Aidan would have!), but calmly kept saying, "Mrs. Nicole, I'm stuck; open the door."  I have to give Nicole credit, she was certainly being proactive; she kept passing him smarties underneath the door where there was at least a three inch clearance.  He must have been in heaven!  She just told him that they had lost the key, to which Nicholas, a buddy, replied, "I think it's in that drawer over there!"  Ha ha! 


Aside from his calm demeanor, Nicole was most impressed by how he followed every direction she gave him (I've got to learn that trick).  She had a portable DVD player ready to slide under the door as a last resort, but it wasn't needed.  There were even prospective parents visiting MP who jumped right in to try and help bust him out.  Hey, at least they know things don't always run perfectly there, even though it's pretty stinking close in my opinion!


Finally, the Mountain Brook Fire Department got there with their equipment, and with Andrew standing back per Mrs. Nicole's instruction, busted the door in.  I so wish I could have seen his face when those firemen got to him. One of them picked Andrew up and playfully swung him around.  Wow....and we even saw a firetruck with sirens, on the way home...he was so excited.  What a day!

Halloween FUN 2011

What a difference a year can make (I have a feeling I will be saying that A LOT over the next few years)!  Last Halloween, Andrew had no interest in picking out a costume, and although he went trick-or-treating (in plain clothes), he didn't seem to understand much of what was going on around him.

Aidan decided early on that he would be Buzz Lightyear, and that naturally meant that Andrew would be his sidekick, Woody.  End of story.  Andrew didn't protest, but I did tell Aidan that when we went costume shopping Andrew may choose another costume altogether.  It is his choice, I explained, but Aidan totally disagreed.  Luckily for us all, Andrew took one look at the Woody outfit (complete with cowboy hat), and it was a done deal.  Whew. :)  He was so excited!  He wore it almost daily leading up to Halloween, and as we had bought them a month before, I was concerned they would be thread-bare by then!  They "practiced" trick-or-treating at school, and we reviewed with visuals at home.  Andrew was really into it!

They love hamming it up playing with Photo Booth...

I snapped a picture of him taking their self-portrait

That wagon has been through it all with us and is still going strong after nearly five years!  Thanks, Paula!

chocolate mouth

If I eat one more piece of candy....

This was the favorite part of the night.  It gave me such joy to see his interaction with other children and enjoying being the one giving out the candy!

The following pictures are from the Fall Festival a couple days before at Mitchell's Place.  What a great time!

Cake walk--stop on the right spot when the music stops, and you pick a treat.  He was a champ at this.

This was a new experience!  He would never let someone paint on his face before.

Doing great!

Admiring his football face art!

The Butterfly class' pumpkin.  Humpty Dumpty.

Well, better late than never!  Now to sort through all the Christmas pics.....maybe before Easter????

A Tale of Two Potties

Why, hello!  It's been such a long time since I last updated; perhaps once you read this you will understand why I've been absent from the blogging world......

It has been a bit chaotic around here lately.  My patience has been pushed to the limit more than I care to think about.  Our boys will be five in February and our last big goal for them as preschoolers was for them to be toilet-trained, and if I can be totally honest here, after over four years (x2 boys), diapers/Pullups really stink (pun intended)!!  Aside from the importance of this crucial self-help skill for social situations and self-esteem, momma is just ready already!

 I have no idea how we could have been successful and survived with our sanity intact, if not for their lead teacher, Mrs. Nicole.  She is amazing...just call her the Potty Whisperer!  Aidan was, for all practical purposes, potty trained at about four years old.  Not at all unusual for kids on the spectrum, although many train on schedule with their neuro-typical peers, while others take much longer.  Whew...one down, one to go!  Right?  Well, not exactly...

When he moved up to the Butterfly class at Mitchell's Place this past August, Aidan still refused to potty at school--bless his heart, he would hold it all day until I got there to pick him up and he would go in the bathroom by the school's entrance.  He said he couldn't go in the class.  Nicole decided she would work on Aidan first to get him totally independent in this skill at school before turning her attention to Andrew.  The first step was for me to take Aidan into the Butterfly's potty in the afternoon.  I held him on there for 30 minutes or so--with him screaming and having a total come-apart.  That was very difficult; Nicole knew I was almost to the point of tears and just kept reassuring me that I was doing the right thing.  Next step was each afternoon for a week, Nicole went with us to the public bathroom at the front of the school and would stand at the door; I would go in with Aidan and let him potty to get him comfortable with her being there.  The next week, she and I swapped until eventually, she had him pottying in the classroom with me nowhere in sight.  Success!  This gave him such confidence in so many areas (it caused a real growth spurt for him socially) and eliminated nearly all poop accidents.  Aidan wanted to learn this skill, he just needed to be taught differently how to do so and lead in such a way to build up his self-esteem.

I'm not sure if there's ever been a set of twins more opposite in appearance and personality than Aidan and Andrew, and toilet training would prove no different.  In mid-October, after various attempts by us at home failed to get us anywhere close to having Andrew potty-trained, we said bye-bye to Pullups and got on a specific schedule of drinking fluids/sitting on the potty (timer set for 5 mins.), and armed ourselves with a massive jar of M&M's.  When that did not yield results, Nicole tailored a Pullup fading protocol that had been developed by another MP mom for her son.  Kelly, you rock, girl... I owe you one!  :)  I never stop learning from these Special moms; they're such a valuable resource.

Nicole told me this would be a slow process.  Great, I thought, would he even be trained by five??  I completely trusted in her knowledge and we would follow everything she told us.  This protocol started with sitting Andrew on the potty (in a Pullup) EVERY hour for five minutes.  When the design in the front started fading, I would immediately praise and reward with M&M's.  Each time, I would record on a data sheet if we had success or not.  In order to "get" that success and reinforce it (reward with candy), I literally stayed in the bathroom with him for an hour and forty-five minutes one time before he peed!  As you can imagine, this takes huge chunks out of an evening; the whole family is involved in this.  I hated it, quite honestly, but it HAD to be done.  Andrew had to have success in each phase before moving on to the other, eventually going to Pullups with holes cut in the front.  It was at this time, that he started doing things in his own way, telling Nicole "no more Pullups", and she allowed him to break protocol and that was the first day he went all day without Pullups on and stayed dry!  That was on T.J.'s birthday.  Although this was huge, I still had to take him every hour, fill out data sheets, keep a supply of M&M's and Skittles, and deal with the occasional accident.

The very next weekend, we went ahead with our plan to travel to Tennessee for a visit with family (Tom's idea.  I'm ashamed to say, if left up to me, we would have just stayed home.  Glad we didn't.)  Armed with data sheets, candy, extra clothes, and towels (we were not at the "working on our aim" stage yet--I needed a way to stay dry!), we made the drive and stopped at many of the gas stations along the way.  Nicole was very impressed and I got extra points on Monday!

Finally, the week before Thanksgiving, we stopped taking data because Andrew was staying dry/pottying consistently all day every day!!!  And he also decided, on his own, to stand up like a big boy.  We are still having to work on being consistent with pooping on the potty, but that's okay.  I'll take it.   It's just where we are now, and it's great!

If any of you have kept yourself awake long enough to read this whole thing, thanks.  You now have some idea what fun it was to live it!  Ha ha!  There is much more interesting stuff out there to read, I know, and I'm batting my eyes now trying to finish this post, but I'm so happy to finally be able to do so!

From Ladybugs to Butterflies

It is so hard to believe the boys have completed their first year in the Early Learning Program at Mitchell's Place already!  They have learned so much socially and academically, it's unbelievable.  At the end of July MP had a graduation ceremony for the children who are going on to "big school"as they do every year.  It is a big deal whether the child is a typical student or one on the spectrum; and the teachers and staff do an amazing job transitioning them to regular school.  Each of the graduates is given an opportunity to say what they like best about MP, and that is my favorite part of the ceremony (this year was my second time to attend).  It is emotional, inspiring, and humorous.  This year I was prepared and brought kleenex and passed it around!  Some of the students have to use assistive/electronic devices to express themselves as they are physically unable to do so, but they have a voice! One of the first things I remember the director telling us when we were looking into MP's programs is that each child there learns how to communicate one way or another; the ability to do so is the greatest skill they can learn.  


As part of the festivities, each class performs a song.  Aidan and Andrew's class, the Ladybugs, performed "Wheels on the Bus".  My video camera malfunctioned, but thanks to my friend Amy I have video!  Aidan is on the far right and is not often visible; Andrew is third from the right, and really gets into it.  Who knew there were dance moves to that song??

The Ladybugs wearing the bus shirts they painted

Andrew, Aidan, and their buddy Ethan

After graduation, we took some pictures of the boys and their teachers:

Sama, Bry, and Meredith with their tote bags...thanks so much for everything! We love you!

Ms. Jessica--their speech therapist

And this past Monday, the boys moved up to the Butterfly class.  They were so excited to be in the "big boy" class and get to play in the tunnel on the playground now...'cause they're not babies anymore.  :)

Ready for the first day!

Holding hands walking into school.  Aidan decided his backpack was too heavy

Putting their backpacks in their cubbies

Aidan and Ms. Nicole--lead teacher

There's a lot of good stuff and adventures to be had for all the McQuillan boys in the new school year!

The Barnabas files

I do not know how in the world we would have made it through the last year and a half without all the encouragement we have received; some from the unlikeliest and unexpected places.  Almost immediately upon getting the autism diagnosis on Andrew, I decided to send out a mass email to our church family and others letting them know what we were facing, asking for their prayers, support, and understanding.  There are families who choose not to "broadcast" their news and I respect them for it.  Every family is different.  Many choose to do so out of concern that their child will be branded with the autism label for life; I struggled with this myself.  In the end, it made more sense for us (and I knew would help Andrew more) for me to clue everyone in and seek their support.  I couldn't anymore pretend that his autism was not a part of who he was than a child who battles cancer could ignore his disease.  The two may be completely different in every way, but both have to deal with life-altering events.  I'm pretty independent and tend to handle things on my own, but not this!  I felt completely overwhelmed.  The blessings from telling everyone about it have been astounding....and they're still coming!  Not surprisingly we received tons of email replies and I promptly placed them in a special folder--The Barnabas File.  Each one was different-some were humorous, some gave personal experiences of people they knew with the disorder, while others felt just like a big ole cyber hug!

One "unexpected" blessing happened one Sunday morning before worship.  A friend from out of town was visiting that day, and had heard about Andrew.  Carla was waiting for me at my pew and gave me a book, "In The Eye of The Hurricane-Finding Peace Within the Storm of Autism" (Juli C. Liske), written by a mother with no formal training or financial resources, who created a plan of therapy for her severely autistic son and amazed medical professionals in bringing her son back.  She had gone to church with this family and had taught the little boy in Bible class as well.  I just melted in tears.  I so needed that book and devoured it immediately!  It was a real turning point of hope for me.  As an aside, Mrs. Liske founded and runs The Brown Center for Autism in middle Tennessee. Read about her story and this amazing center here.  Thank you, Carla, you were truly a blessing to me that day!

I could not have foreseen how important and uplifting finding Mitchell's Place would be for ME.  I have felt such camaraderie and sense of belonging in getting to know other Special Moms who walk the same path.  We share plenty of laughs, helpful hints, frustrations, and victories.  :)  I'm so encouraged by the mother whose husband is deployed for months at a time while she takes care of getting her child to therapy each day and handles the medical issues of another child; and the mom who drives a total of four hours daily between home, MP, and work; and another mom who struggles hours every day on data collection and  therapies trying to encourage her son to eat.  These women ROCK and are such an inspiration!   I love it when another parent says something to me like, "hey, I was observing today and I noticed how well Andrew is doing in circle time...he's come such a long way!"  In a way, all these kids are ours; we see their progress and get excited when they accomplish even a small milestone.

My point to all this...there are so many ways to be an encouragement to others.  A kind word, an email, a spontaneous message on Facebook, letting someone know you said a prayer for them, a hug...it doesn't have to be a big gesture to make a big difference in someone's day!  Be a blessing!

The three-step, two minute warnings, a couple dozen shoe boxes, and high-fives

Let me start off by saying, I can tell time.  If you're around me while around my boys for any length of time, you may question that.  Thanks to several teachers, therapists, and other special moms, the Two-Minute Warning is one of many helpful hints/aids/strategies we use to teach the boys as well as navigate potentially chaotic situations.  One of the very BEST tools we use daily is the Two-Minute Warning.  When I want to let the boys know the activity they are participating in is going to end soon, and another will then begin (regardless of the actual amount of time), I "warn" them.  For example, I'll say "in two minutes playtime is finished, then time for bath."  I'm telling you, it works like a charm!  It has nothing to do with actual time measurement, but aids in transitioning from one thing to the next.  I use it so much, I don't think about it at all, but when we are around people that aren't used to it, Tom laughs and feels inclined to let them know I failed that subject in school!

Getting children who are on the spectrum to comply with what you ask them to do can be a real challenge for a number of reasons; then couple that with the fact they are also just stubborn children exercising their independence...well, then you can have some real fun!  The teachers at Mitchell's Place use The Three-Step to teach these children compliance and it works something like this: 1) tell the child to "sit down"; if he does, praise him, if not  2) say "sit down like this, you do it" while modeling the behavior yourself.  If it works, praise him, if not  3) say "sit down" while making him do so, with no praise.  This teaches them to comply the first time, and eventually these steps are phased out.  They learn it is expected of them to do what they are told.  What is so funny is that Aidan does The Three-Step on Andrew; and recently Andrew tries to do it to me!

One of the skills Andrew is quickly learning is building his attention to task (or attention span) while doing his table work.  They work on this daily at school, but something we are able to do at home to reinforce this is having Andrew complete his work boxes while sitting at his table for extended periods of time.  He loves doing his work!  We usually have four or five boxes lined up, and as he completes each one, he puts it in his "all done" basket.

Each shoebox has a different activity which he completes with no verbal prompting from me.  I only point to direct him if necessary.

Mom's old laundry basket is the "all done" basket.

It's amazing how well he concentrates (15 minutes in one sitting-completing all boxes).  Andrew is so motivated merely by his sense of accomplishment and pride.  It is so hard to believe that not too long ago, I couldn't get him to sit still long enough to "read" a short board book, and now he is sitting through an entire one hour (or longer) worship service every Sunday!!!

Of course, none of the things we do would accomplish much without the abundant praise, "good jobs", "thumbs up", "excellent, dudes", and "awesomes" we heap upon them with every accomplishment (big and small) and every positive behavior exhibited.  So, "high five!!" to my sweet boys for everything you've learned; mommy and daddy love you and are so proud of you!

Kick-off to Summer 2011

Apparently every year on the Friday before Memorial Day, Mitchell's Place takes a field trip to the Birmingham Zoo.  Parents bring the kids and meet their teachers out front and tour the zoo together.  We could not have ordered a more perfect day: 75 degrees, almost no humidity, and sunny!  The boys were so excited.  One of the highlights was getting to tour the new African exhibit which had only been opened for about a month.  We were very impressed!

Of course, we had to take a ride on the train!!

One of the zoo's original buildings we saw on the train ride--circa 1920's

The boys with their BFF Nicholas waiting on the sea lion show

Here are a few scenes from the African exhibit:

Alia and Andrew having a blast on the bongo drums!

When this big fella decided to pee right after this photo was taken,  all the children were in complete amazement! (I have to say the adults were too!)

Of course, we had to check out the lions and monkeys too; and then finished it off with a picnic lunch.  It was a great day!  Thanks Mrs. Sandy for arranging such a fun field trip!

The heat and humidity was to get cranked up for the rest of the weekend which was perfect as we planned to spend Saturday grilling and swimming out back. Grandpa and Ms. Karen were coming down for a visit and we also had the Huggins family over.  The menu consisted of ribs, chicken, potato salad, bbq beans, and homemade ice cream.  Tom began to feel bad Saturday morning, pushing through with last minute shopping and cooking, but it soon became apparent he was dealing with a stomach virus, and had to turn over the grilling duties to me---no pressure!!  It's a good thing I have a knack for grilling, and with everyone pitching in and the big kids watching Aidan and Andrew in the pool, we managed to pull off a pretty good lunch!  Poor Tom, that virus was more like a 48-hour puke fest, and it wasn't until Monday that he felt better.  Of course we stayed home for the holiday, grilled burgers and swam--just the five of us.  

After a day of swimming, what better way to relax than a cool movie inside with popcorn?

Yay for summer!!!